Traffic

MEHMET AKSEL

I have been meaning to write about traffic for some time now. But when I thought about all those things, which I am about to list below… I gave up, because I think this is a ‘lost cause’…

• The minibuses that slide in and out between cars,
• Public transport vehicles that stop in the middle of the road to drop off passengers without even bothering move to the side,
• The smarty-pants, who move right up to the top of the line with no respect to anyone around 
• The inconsiderate ones who block those trying to park their cars,
• The acrobats dangling their legs out the window whilst driving,
• Buses overtaking cars in the fast lane,
• The idiots, who let children bounce around with their heads out the sun roof, 
• The arrogants who don’t move an inch without using flashing lights, 
• Parents entertaining their kids by letting them hold steering wheel,
• VIPs who believe that the emergency lane belongs to them,
• The romantics who mistake their cars for their notepads,
• Mothers, who still have their young children sitting on their laps in the front seat despite all the warnings and news of accidents,
• The designers at heart, who switch their headlight colors as they please, 
• Women who are searching for parking space with flashing lights in front of the hair dresser,
• Self-proclaimed presidents who travel with flashing lights on the empty highway,
• Motor couriers who harass others with horns in all kinds of traffic, be it stand-still or flowing,
• The Doblos that are always in a hurry to push the speed limits,
• The selfish people who recklessly use other people’s cars or the environment as their garbage cans, 
• Those who talk so loudly on their phones with their windows open that we become part of their conversations,
• Motorcyclists on the pavement,
• Truck drivers who entrust their lives to God, ignoring all safety measures,
• Those who are stubborn as mules, who don’t move an inch when they run into another car on a narrow road, 
• The know-it-alls who create a third lane on a two-lane road, ultimately creating a grid-lock,
• Those who take up two lanes,
• The superior ones who drive at the top of the speed limit on the emergency lane with their blaring monster’s sirens,
• Those who can’t stand women drivers, and who try to run over them,
• Motorbike couriers who constantly have a cigarette in their mouths, telephone on their ears and helmet on their arms,
• The super cautious ones drive at 50km/h on the fast lane
• The orchestra conductors whose hands are constantly on the horn, 
• The wise-guy ambulance chasers, 
• Those who curse people who stop the traffic for animals crossing,
• The clean-freaks who dump their garbage at the blink of an eye as they drive off from their parking spots,
• Those who turn the music on full blast in standing traffic, and force us to share their wonderful taste in music,
• The hasty ones who honk tirelessly at those who have stopped to give priority to pedestrians at crossings,
• Thoughtless people who treat gas stations as their backyards, leaving their cars without any consideration for others,
• Taxi drivers who think that they have all kinds of road priority and act accordingly,
• The rude, smelly and cocky parking attendants who smash and ruin cars,  
• The arrogant drivers who park on the lines, occupying space for two cars,
• The low-lives who park in the disabled parking spots,
• The despicable ones who think priority in traffic is given to themselves as individuals rather than according to vehicles or occupation, 
• The ‘high and mighty’ who always want to be in the ‘lane that moves’, 
• And finally the cops leaning on their cars and playing with their mobile phones while all available traffic rules are being butchered around them.

Some notes:

Acceleration: Speeding up

Deceleration: Slowing down

Signaling: (Automobile) A system of generating signals via flashing indicators, which has been in use since the early 1900s, and which is used by automobile drivers to warn and inform each other in civilized societies.

Doblo: A light commercial, fearless vehicle with either an Atatürk or Sultan signature on the rear window, depending on the political preference of the driver.

Flashing lights: A colored flashing lights, specifically bought from a manufacturing site and fitted on vehicles for people who cannot lead through their abilities or successes, and who say, “At least I can be noticed whilst I drive”. (The recent Porsche 911 with the strobe lights was a true leader in its field).

VIP: A creature that believes they have superiority over everyone else. 

President: An adjective that people who have not achieved much psychological and/or sociological (or sometimes even economic) success in their lives generate for themselves.

Monster’s siren: Usage of musical notes to convey the message. “Do you know who I am!”